Good bye 2008

1 year has past. What do i have to show for this year .. Guess what NOTHING..
it's new year eve and i am at home doing nothing .. why after all that has happen i still want to spend today with the two girls who killed me..
yet i want to spend it with them. Y? .. cos i am still a sucker for them. it's 7 :40 pm 31/12/08

What the hell am i doing at home!! why am i not out having fun and getting to know new people in my life have enjoying myself..Y! sighz.
No one has the ans for me i look for them but cant find them..

i want to go out do something.. no i want to see My princess and my gold fish. but i know i cant. cos life's a bitch.

going to sit at my com and wish my com happy new year, what a way to end this bad year..

Good bye 2008 may 2009 be batter than YOU!

AS this year pass's i say good buy to my feeling that have given me so much pain.

So Fast??

Wow.. Wow.. hahaha..i am back here.. hahaha..back to this place where i said i would not go at all.. lolz.. The past just killed me and i said that i would not come back here come back to where i am now! .. as a tear comes down my eye i smile to myself thinking ' suresh F*** your back to this same place where the Girl has moved on SO FAST! and your feeling the shit of the after math ' and your like how is she is she ok and here it comes F*** YOU she does not give a F*** . your alone here just when you were like maybe she feels the pain too and here it comes NO she does not.. maybe it's just the mood now talking .. but wow.. so fast as alwasys i am left back here thinking what a sucker i am to think that anyone would give a shit.. F*** you suresh.. for letting yourself feel this way.

lol.. where is my Drink.. i need it.. F*** 2008 what i shit year..

F*** all this shit fine i am Emo fine you know why this is the only place where i can let it out .. i am sick of trying to smile .. Sick of all this shit in my life..

o peace where have thy gone? Why has thu left me? what have i done to make your face trun away from me? Tell me What must i dont to Make you smile? What must i do to smile and be happy. To feel happy to be alive to see the things that i have seen to feel the things that i have felt to meet the people that i have loved and lost. Why me Why now? Come back to me and give me back my peace that you have so taken away from me. Just as the day looks for the night and the night the looks for the day i can never seem to find you the one the would give me back my Smile.. i have lost it.. But now it seem that no one wants it anymore..no one not even you that one that gave it to me..

Pain..

What more do You want?

Well as always i have fcuked up something.. i don't know how i ended up this way when i said i WILL NOT DO THIS TO MYSELF ANYMORE! and yet here i am feeling like shit feeling like i wish all this would just end here now, i dont know what went wrong and where i did what .. or did i even do anything at all. i have been thinking alot of what happeing with me now.. i just dont want to be alone this new year. na i have a feeling that i would be.. I miss my past and i miss what i just had.. today i felt down. i knew that this is going to happen and the past has moved on without me. while i stand still in my time and space.. where i am lost .. lost to all things good all things that made me happy that are now taken away from me. what more do i have, just when i was happy just when i started to think that " you know what someone like me can be happy too someone like me can find someone to love me back. " (Like Real) than it hit me very hard. that i was ment to be the guy who is alone.. always walking alone be alone..by myself.. My head is killing me so much now days so badly i have not told any one in my family and i dont want to cos part of me thinks that they just dont give a shit . and i dont give a shit about me anymore. there is nothing to care about. i need to slp and get my mind of things.


This goes out to all my frens i am sorry for not being there as much as i should.. alot has happen than no one knows about.. The pain has taken away my peace i am Sorry..dont just give up on me yet..


GOD be with me now of all times pls..

"Happy Xmas" My ASS

Life is full of ups and down. we all know that we also know that things in life make us who we are.. now.. the things that have been happening in my life .. i don't think i am going to like the person that i may become.. ok let me start from where i think i should start. on Friday 19/12/08 i went out with her. She came late so it gave me more time to go and see what is could buy for her that she may like to eat. so i saw her i was in red she was in red. went down to the beach had lots of fun talking and Kissing of cos.. and opening up to each other.. i could look her on the eye and tell her you are so Beautiful GOD has made you like none other that i have ever seen. it was from about say 1pm till 11pm we were with each other. it all went good very good it was so hard to say good bye knowing that the week to come i would not be able to see her, For her new job was starting and she had a camp to go for.

That night we talked for about 2-3h on the phone. we did sms each other BUT soon after that .. no reply from msg. Or calls, if felt like when she was studying for her exam and that i could not talk to her. so i got worryed msg her sis and her sis told me that after the camp she got very sick.. and was resting most of the time. so to me was ok .. u could just msg me.. but nvm.. that she msg me asking me to read my email. now WE all know Emails are not good.. so i will not say what was in the email cos that is for only me to know. but! it did say " let's just be good Friends"

Now! ! tell me how would u feel.. i read the maill ok she said she will call me .. the next night.. but guess what no call.. i waited like the F**ker that i am i waited for her call nothing.. ok i called her atr 11:58pm to wish her merry X mas.. did not pick up.. up to now nothing... nothing at all..

So how should i take this..?

I want to smile
i want to feel loved
i Give up on all this..


No peace at all..


Good bye Prinecss..

Cant forget..

Well.. As always a lot has happen.. but this time a lot of good things has happen to me. i have found someone.. someone who like's me the same.. like me for me.. today i did not go to church i have to get a lot of things done for not going today a lot of pay backs.. this morning as i got up my head went into pain mode. i just could not take it anymore.. took some med and went to bed and did so from i think11am - 9.45pm.. still feel sleepy.. there goes my weekend tmr i will go to the gym and i hope to meet my princess.. apart from all this shit that's happening in my world now GOD still helps me to find some love..Before it's to late before i lose myself in all this pain.. in all this things that just come and dont seem to go off. i want to run off run to her arms run to something called love..i want to hold on to the good thigns in my life.. she too has feeling i must never forget that.. never no matter what i say or do i must never forget we are all human..GOd come back into my life..


Peace out

1 sec to fast?

it's been 1 week that i have not blog.. a lot has happen this past 1 week i have been very sick and i am still.. i have gone from miss her to waning to see her.. i have gone from 20year bro to 24 maybe.. all in all a lot has happen that i dont want to say and that i want to say but don't know how to say it.. i am lost at something which are happening now but i just want to get batter 1st.. for now this is as much as i want to say.. something i wrong with me i need to find out what..


Peace.. not peace!...