Walls..

Walls something that i face everyday... but some of them i put up myself.. what more can i say some wait allot of the things in my life happen cos of the way i take and handle things.. well back to what i wanted to say i just got back 1 day ago from a trip with my church people.. which was very fun if all of them could be there would have been great, but nvm it was all good! i am going to miss all this .. thinking about things makes me very sad.. cos to think come next year allot of things are going to change, i wish that people did not have to go away.. it's not fair to think like that but 1 thing that i have found about myself is that i don't want to get go of anyone that i have in my life, which is not good at all.. i mean i don't want to be alone i guess i think .. i don't know.. but its just that i hold on to things people and the past to much for my own good.. i don't know how to let go don't know how to give up don't know how to day i don't want to feel this pain.. its going to be very painful to see the people in my life move and move.. as i still stay here and face day by day.. with a hole in my heart.. to think that this would be like one of the last time that i going to be out with them to a camp and anywhere, just saying it is painful.. what more can i say.. i don't know where to go what to do about this feeling.. and the new people that come into my life i have this feeling that they are going to run away from me, so i hold so much.. which in the end is not good at all.. and the past i cant let go off.. thinking about all that happen i feel like why cant things go like a story which i can say.. and read about.. something where i find the one who loves me. and i love back.. someone who gave me there heart.. yet i killed it with my hands.. so badly i want to be loved that i give up on all thing good in my life.. till i find my hope.. till i can stand up and say i have moved on and just not hold on to things in my life and let go...


To let go is like giving GOD all the things in life , and to say i am ONLY HUMAN..


Peace out

1 cm bigger..

Alot has happen in this past few days that has showen me that i am still young in some of the ways that i think.. as to say that i dont seem to see some of the things that i should.. cos i must know this by now that people are not going to be so nice to you in life..no matter how sweet or nice or anything your never going to see someone who knows what your doing for them.. i dont what shit i am saying.. but all i know is that i have to grow up .. that eveyone has there own life and that you have to give and TaKE! not all giving.. looking to see how things are going to be from now on..all i know is that i do feel lost.. at somethings.. but still i dont mind waiting..


Time is moving on why am i not..

Time is passing me by why am i not running.,

time time time..

i have to end up wait..

Peace out

No more pls..

Well as always i do something to make good things in my life to shit.. this time .. i know it's all me.. wait it's always been me what am i saying.. maybe it's the lack of sleep talking but i feel like saying this. i had a good thing going on and i had to push things to fast and end up like this.. i feel like someone who just does not know when to stop.. i know ok i sms to much.. i call to much.. so it's all me.. if things dont get batter it's all cos of me..trying to take things so fast push ppl away.. to me ya maybe it's ok but i am fu'k ed up..i dont know what i did wrong but things are not to good now.. see la suresh you had to go and do it 1 more time.. all you had to do was take your time to get to know and that too i cant do... err! i have had only 1h of sleep for 2 days.. my head pains are not getting any batter.. 1st the heart now the head.. whats going on in my body..no more pills.. that's for sure.. sorry if i said anything to push you away.. sigh


Peace out

Found out something..

Well well.. guess what i just found out that i cant seem but to just not sms or call her.. sighz..i tryed to not call or sms her for one day but i failed..lol.. very badly..i did not msg at night.. or in the morning.. but than by lunch i gave up.. sighz.. i did msg i dont know.. i am lost at somethings for now.. i dont know what's going on her head.. trying not to think about things to fast.. but me being ME >< i am thinking to much about things lol! sighz.. i dont know i dont know if she has seen this or readed my blog.. but!! i do wish that i can just see what's going on her head.. i have to go back to camp on sat night.. ah! i wanted to go out this sat night.. but now cant.. shes going out yaya i wished she called me out too..but she did not fine.. not like she has to but would have been nice if she did.. i would have found a way to go.. but than .. it's batter this way rite.. not to close to fast i dont want to feel that pain .. i just got batter.. dont want to be like how i was.. i am sick of waiting for that girl whos going to take the things i do to heart and love me more and more.cos there is no girl like that.. so ya.. i give up on that.. i am just blessed to have met her.. her name .. lol just cant say yet.. anything my best fren is going to get wedding and she did not call me..so ya.. i am sad..


Peace out

Trying

Ok i am trying to post more.. Today it was a good day did not do anything at all lol! later going to meet my fren for dinner.. Hopeful i get to see my Princess.. ( parying like mad ) but even she does not come i am ok with it.. cos she has alot of work to get done and .. i dont want to do the same thing i did wrong the last time i dont want to be one of the things that stop someone from becoming batter.. i feel i should say this .. i am sorry.. i am sorry that cos oof me you could not do your best in school.. i am sorry that cos of me.. you did not make to the place you wanted to go that cos of me.. you had to feel the pain of failure in your life.. tha cos of me you had to work when i did not.. i am sorry i hate myself for it. even now i dont want to stop anyone from being who they want to be.. i feel the pain in my heart.. seeing you that time not being able to go into the school that you wanted.. now well now you just dont care.. which is a good thing cos i have grown up more and more each day so that i can give my batter to someone .. to that someone that i have found now she may not be the one to fast to say .. but .. she in 1 in a mil.. i wont say her name just for now.. but.. i do still miss the good time.. that's why i dont want to do the same thing wrong this time .. i will not.. i am no one for someone to give up there plans for.


Things may have change but i am still the same.. ppl come and go.. but i stay.. why cos i was always finding you that someone that gavve me HOPE when i needed it.. i wont say love cos the only girl that i loved is now gone out from my life.. so now i have seen hope.. and wont give up! cos she give a shit about me !! wahhahah!!


Pace out

Time is going by...

Alot has happen in this past few days that i have not bloged..where should i start..hmm how about last night outting.. where should i start..ok here it comes.. i took her out for dinner yes i paid.. we enjoyed it we talk and talk i do so much enjoy talking to her.. than headed down to ps where i wanted to put my plan in place.. whaha! as we were walking down ok she likes coco.. i dont.. so i than remb this place where they sell very good cooc.. ok so i told her i was looking for something than we walk here and there till i found it it was this place were they sell very good and $$X$$ coco.. so than i told to her close her eye than i give it to her to eat she enjoyed it.. so i did not mind.. she was happy .. than as we got to the park near PS.. we sit there talking about stars and food and movies and ect.. than i knew i had to do what i wanted to do! ( ok no i was not going to kiss her or something that's just to fast!! ) i planed to give her a very nice hug.. and i did i told her to trun and than close her eyes and than i put my hands on hers than i hug her from behind and this is the 1st time.. i sang for her.. ~Fly me to the moon~ which i forgot so of the words lol!! but that was not the only song i sang many many more cos all i wanted to do was to make her smile.. than i must say this i wanted to kiss her nack .. yes i did want to but did not !! .. why cos sometime the past just comes back and bites you is this aSs.. and you think i dont want to take this to fast to far.. so i want .. wait wait.. till she leads me.. i will just have to wait..till than

Peace out..

I think i am batter

Well well.. i must say.. i have been happy this past few days this have been batter i mean i have been smiling allot .. when i say i mean lot! and it's all thx to someone new.. someone that showed me that i can be happy..that i am someone that people don't mind knowing.. after what has happen i have been down from what you can see from my others posts that i have been very down .. but i am trying trying to make things rite.. trying to show myself that i can make it in this world..if you say than how can you just forget your ex.. i would say i have not cos what we had was what we had.. and i cant ask for anything batter.. i am happy that i got to feel that pain cos that tells me that HEY ! u have feelings and that someone as good as her could love you there is something about you that maybe i just cant see..but i feel pain i feel happy cos i can meet other people in my life that have showed me that i am someone.. someone who has feeling..as for the other girl who has i can say taken my heard away .. i don't want to push to much.. cos i for now know what's going on her head but she is 1 in a mil.. i am very gifted to have seen her talked to her and best of all to have seen her smile.. beautiful.. just so beautiful ..hmm ok maybe i have said to much.. so ya for now


Peace out

Cant wait!!

Ok.. I am going to enjoy my day tmr i think lol! I have to go down to IMH at 0800 to see the DOC after so long .. part of me just cant wait.. but.. have to la.. this is something that i have to get done.. i have to go and see the doc tmr.. it's for my own good i need too fix somethings in me.. but! i would be seeig Princess tmr.. which i just cant wait for.. ok she said she likes green .. ok i dont look good in green but i am going to try and pull it off tml .. if i can i will post up the pic tml.. i am trying to smile.. i am trying.. i still think to much about things.. about her.. i am trying!!

Peace out

hmmz..

hmm..this whole week seem to long for me.. i was hoping to get an off today but end up.. had to stay in camp all the way till 4:50pm.. -.-!! i want a half day.. sighz.. but guess what i have been smsing her, and most of all i must say this..! SHE is one powerful women!!! i have not seen anyone like her befor..! i mean i think i am into her.. i want to know her more and more.. but here's the thing.. i dont know if she's into me or not.. i mean i am not rich..i dont have the looks and most of all i am 20.. she is **(cant tell a womens age).. hmmmz.. i dont know.. but i am trying here.. ok you can say.. what happen to you saying about E*****.. i still care for her. not matter what! i pray for her each day.. i miss her so much but! i have to move on.. there is nothing more i can do when someone pushs you out from there life.. i am still praying that GOD will show me the way.. for i am nothing without him.. i am trying to be happy.. here... but..so much on my mind.. will post something maybe later.. for now


Peace out

WHY!!!

Sighz.. the day was going so well.. why did it become like this .. ERR!! why suresh did u have to go and try to act cool and play with her things..!! er..I have not seen you that mad with me in sometime.. and that's not nice..i feel very bad about what has happen.. to the both of you... sighz..Sorry reply leh!!..dot dot dot. need to sleep this off. i was so happy to see her today..u look good in white..dress too.. okok..



Peace out..